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Stupid Bird

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I have been working night shifts this week, and I awoke this afternoon from my slumber to the sound of flapping wings inside my house.


Thanks for crapping all over the house

Fantastic.

First off, I have no idea how this bird got into the house. All of the doors and windows were closed. But to much amusement, I watched it try to get out the back glass door for about a minute.

Then I was over it. I was tired and wanted to go back to sleep so I opened the door and tried to get it to fly away. But it stayed on top of the paintings for a few minutes and refused to go anywhere near the back door of freedom.

Then he decides to fly into the kitchen and chill there for a few minutes.

This is the bird being stupid in my kitchen

This is the bird being stupid about flying out

This is the stupid bird leaving after about ten minutes of being stupid.

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Written by jonewantsm3

July 18, 2013 at 1:00 am

Posted in Home, Rant

Kitchen Complete

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My kitchen is finally complete!


Here is what it looked like before


Here is what it looked like at week one.

The seven weeks that I was unable to use my kitchen was immensely painful. For someone who loves cooking, it was more painful than indian burns, or plucked nose hairs, or wedgies, or charlie horses, or forehead flicks, or arm pinches, or a kick in the groin. Okay definitely not as bad as a kick in the groin but you get what I’m saying…

While my kitchen was out of commission, I ate out almost every day. I had tons of Ono Hawaiian BBQ, In-N-Out, Rubios, In-N-Out, Chipotle, In-N-Out, In-N-Out, In-N-Out, Panda Express, In-N-Out, Subway, In-N-Out, In-N-Out, Chick-fil-A, In-N-Out and some more In-N-Out. While I could not cook anything for myself, I had an extremely well balanced In-N-Out diet and washed that down with tons of neapolitan shakes.

Surprisingly, I only gained 3-4 LBS during this dark time of my life.

Here are some pictures of what a kitchen mold mitigation/remodel looks like when mold decides to invade the cabinets underneath the sink:


Sucking the mold spores

A project that was supposed to take 2-3 weeks ended up taking 7 weeks. The contractor that my insurance set me up with was pretty horrible too. The entire time he was trying to screw me over telling me that they did extra work, needed to change things, denying that they broke my front screen door, said they did work when they really did not do it, and tried to hit me up with extra costs.

After seeing how cute his attempts were to overcharge me the first couple of weeks, I got sick and tired and finally revealed to him that I work in construction and that I have been taking pictures of their progress on a daily basis. Then I flooded him with emails and pictures and showed him why he was wrong (and I copied his boss on the emails too). And for some odd reason he stopped picking up my phone calls and only communicated to me through email. I guess he chickened out but in the end I did not have to pay any extra money for all their screw ups.

Looking back, I realized how much fun I really had dealing with this guy…Not.

I guess a ton of BBQ and dinner parties are on the schedule for the rest of summer.

Until next time, Cheers!

Written by jonewantsm3

June 15, 2013 at 1:00 am

Posted in DIY, Home

Kitchen Mold

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Thanks mold

The new kitchen is currently being rebuilt. Stay tuned for updates.

Written by jonewantsm3

May 28, 2013 at 1:00 am

Posted in DIY, Home

Tenant Love

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There has been recent developments in my rental property lately, and that development is basically that my tenants are moving out on June 1.

…and I am most likely moving back into my awesome condo.

Some details are still up in the air but I would really like to move back into the condo that I love so much.

Here’s a picture of what I left behind:


If you can’t tell… I like stripes.

My condo was a bank-owned dump when I got it and I tore it up from top to bottom and recreated this female-friendly environment you see above.

Anyway, I stopped by a few nights ago to discuss the sequence of what needs to happen from now until June 1 in terms of repairs, walk-throughs and whatever. But I had a very interesting interaction with the female tenant while I was there.

The only prior info you need to know for the story is that the reason for the move out is because the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship going on between my tenants ended around Christmas time. How they managed to continue living together for many months after the breakup…has me baffled but it’s none of my business and I could care less.

Anyway, I showed up in the evening after work:

Female: Hi Johnny!
Johnny: Hi, how is everything?
Female: Good!

She walked towards me and I could tell she was moving in for a hug but I decided to keep it business and extended my hand for a handshake instead.

Female: Wow you cut your hair shorter! You look very good!
Johnny: Oh, why thank you haha…

I may have said Oh, why thank you haha… but my mind was thinking okay she seems very friendly right now. Whatever.

We start talking and as I am walking through her old bedroom she closes the door behind her. Oh boy. It is just me and her alone in the room together.

Female: So… we’re moving out. Are you moving in?
Johnny: I’d like to but I think I have someone maybe lined up and interested in moving in (I didn’t want to tell her that I was possibly going to move in)
Female: Well if you do move in, are you looking for roommates?
Johnny: What do you mean?
Female: Well I found a new place but your condo is a really really nice place to live…

Oh I see where this is going… warning!

Johnny: Oh, yeah. Well, I’m not sure about anything right now. I’m more focused on taking care of you guys moving out first. Then I’ll worry about whoever moves in afterwards.
Female: Okay that sounds good.

What on earth is going on?

We walked into the hallway and I opened the laundry closet to inspect the washer and dryer.

Johnny: I missed these. They were brand new when you guys moved in and they worked really well.
Female: Yeah! I’m going to miss these too.
Johnny: Haha yeah, just don’t steal them when you move out!
Female: Haha maybe…oh yeah I’ve got to tell you about the new place that I found! It’s so nice! It a one bedroom that has its own washer and dryer inside the actual unit! I can just do my laundry without going outside!
Johnny: Wow that’s really nice. Yeah you don’t want to be using those community washers…those are pretty gross
Female: I know. I got really lucky to find this place. Do you know the cross streets C___ and G___?
Johnny: Yea, my friend lives right there.
Female: I live right there. The place is called ___ just at C___ and G___. You should come over sometime. If you’re ever in the area, you should stop by and see my place…
Johnny: Oh okay. Thanks for the invite.
Female: Yeah. In fact, I’m having a mini-housewarming party in a couple of weekends and you should come over and…you know… it will be fun. You can meet all of my friends. I mean, it would be a really good time and you will have a lot of fun.
Johnny: Okay, yeah that would be great.

What. On. Earth?

I remember thinking I have no idea what I am doing right now to turn you onto me like this… and I am pretty sure I was not wearing any Johnny Armani.

As I was leaving…

Johnny: Okay well, everything looks good. If you guys have any questions, feel free to call or email or text. You know how to get in touch with me.
Female: Okay, I definitely will.
Johnny: Great. And if I don’t hear from you, I’ll see you guys in a few weeks for the final walk-through.
Female: Sounds good. Bye!

She turned her body towards me and slightly moved closer. She was moving in for a hug again! I quickly stuck my hand out and shook her hand. I remember it was a really low handshake because I wanted her to know I was reaching for her hand and eliminate altogether the risk of jabbing her boobs with my fingers.

When I got into my car and closed the door. I started laughing hysterically. Why do these things always happen to me? Haha…

And for good ol’ times sake, here are a few before and after shots of my condo.

Master Closet:


Before: crap
After: custom self-built closet of radical shelving

Living Room:


Before: Empty living room…no paint, no floor, no happiness


After: Accent wall and hallway, very comfy furniture

Bedroom 2:


Before: Ugly yellow paint, no floors


After: Grey (with hint of green) paint, new floors and base moulding, lots of zen

Fireplace:


Before: crap


After: Tiled-hearth, faded-brick facade, custom self-built surround and mantle

Anyway, if you can’t tell…I’m pretty excited to move back in.

Written by jonewantsm3

May 9, 2012 at 1:00 am

Posted in Home, Rant

Uberwhelmed

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This word comes from the combomixing of two great words: uber and overwhelmed.

A lot has been going on the past couple weeks and that is exactly how I feel. Uberwhelmed. I haven’t exactly had great access to the internet as one of my computers is packed up and waiting for the next craigslist buyer to step in and take it. But anyway, here’s the lengthy update:

1. I sold a lot more stuff and am still cutting down my clothes to give away. From my last update, I sold my longboard, kayak, xbox, another bookshelf, some mirrors, a table, digital camera and a few other items. While some items were tougher to sell than others but I can honestly say that I am definitely not missing any of these items right now. It’s good to have a peace about what I’m doing and letting go of these possessions that I thought were uber-important (obviously from the combomix of uber and important). Also, some other people who help out at the homeless ministry have started bringing clothes to hand out which is great to see other people taking the same initiative too.

2. I helped lead worship at The Rock church down in Point Loma a couple Sundays ago. I was unsure whether or not to actually do it as I had so much going on but in the end I figured that it was a rare opportunity. I figured that life is always going to be busy so you might as well do the things you enjoy, especially if it’s jamming with a good friends of yours. In the end it was a really gnarly experience and they do such a great job of being hospitable to their guest musicians. It was also the first time I played five services in one day! I don’t even think the words coming out of my mouth were making sense anymore towards the end of the day.

3. Okay so this is the biggest update. Let’s jump straight to it… I got my condo rented out and the tenants moved in yesterday. Seriously, a couple weeks back I prayed for tenants and the next day a girl showed up to look at my place and ended up being the right fit. It was uber-ridiculous because I felt like God seriously that was way too fast…I’m not even completely moved out yet! But it was a good motivator to get my stuff out and finish my fireplace remodel. It’s really exciting to see God moving in a powerful way. I really have no other explanation for it other than God confirming that what I’m doing is part of His plans for me. It blows my mind how God has always come through for me in times of need. Totally rad dude.


I grouted the tile and finally built the mantle and surround

4. So because of the whole God’s rapid-timing-of-tenants situation thing… it forced me into a rapid move-all-my-junk-home situation. And this is where I can get in some trouble. Mother, who is anal retentive about cleanliness and order, is currently out of town and comes home in three days just in time for Thanksgiving and a house full of my crap. I have three days to determine my fate and how much nagging will occur the night of her return. This is what my parent’s normally clean house looks like right now:


This is the messy bedroom which mom will probably uber-nag me to death for ten minutes (please ignore my the teddy bear bedsheets…)


The living room filth where my mom will ask me where people will sit when they come over for Thanksgiving


The kitchen pileup where my mom will probably bust out the this is why you don’t have a girlfriend because you are so messy card. An uber low-blow. But at least she won’t be like my friend Fernanda in college when she grabbed a skillet and smacked me in the head on accident purpose.

Well, that’s the update. I’m still trying to cut down my items to 100. It’s getting tougher now that I’m getting closer and really having to think about what I really need and choosing between certain items. Maybe I’ll talk more about that in my next post.

Until next time. Cheers.

Update: Momzilla comes home in one hour and there has been absolutely zero improvement on the clutter situation. Let’s hope this is not my last blog update ever. Until next time. *Gulp*

Written by jonewantsm3

November 21, 2010 at 10:24 pm

Posted in Home

Simplify My Life

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This is an aside from the type of post that I usually write. There’s so much to post that I don’t even know where to begin but I know quite a few of my friends have already been asking me about this … so I’ll try my best to explain.

The past month, I’ve been focusing a lot on what else I can do to upgrade my condo. And I guess to jump to the meat of what I’m trying to say is, as much as I have enjoyed living in my condo, I realize that it has consumed me and ensnared me to a money spending pattern that I really dislike. After a lot of contemplation, I’ve decided to rent my entire condo out and move out. There are many reasons that I am doing this and I hope to explain them in a way that makes sense.

1. Money. I hate money. Actually, that’s not entirely accurate. I hate dealing with large amounts of money over and over again. I don’t mind paying bills, rent, mortgage, etc., but that on top of needing to buy this and that for the home is too much stress. I’m always wondering if I have enough money to buy an extra thing or two and I just don’t like to deal with it. That’s just part one.

2. Money/Giving. Part two of this money issue is that I haven’t been able to give as much as I like. I enjoy supporting the church I go to, donating money to the organization I volunteer at that helps feed the homeless, taking friends out to dinner and paying for their meals, taking my family out to dinner, etc. I’ve noticed that these activities are starting to dwindle because I’m so focused on setting money aside for my condo upgrading.

3. Excessiveness. A couple weeks ago I was walking around my condo and saw many things that I never ever use (or need) anymore. Jump to later on in the week when I’m helping to feed the homeless and only a few of the regular larger group of them show up because it’s raining. I have ten extra jackets at home staying warm and being useless right now. Where is everybody? Are they able to stay dry and warm this week? Do I really need this much stuff that I never use anyway?

4. Splurge. You remember at the end of Napoleon Dynamite where his brother sings that song about loving technology…? That’s me. I am very weak-willed when it comes to buying the next coolest gadget (unless it’s an Apple product but that’s a different story). On top of that, I’ve realized that owning the condo always keeps me thinking of what else I need to buy next…like it owns me. These two forces keep pulling at me to invest more money into upgrading my life with stuff and I’m just over it. Maybe it’s just to make me feel good about myself… I duno

Do you see where I am going with this?

I’m not saying that owning things is bad. I think that it’s a great privilege and blessing to be able to work hard and make money to buy things that you want. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it  and I’m not bashing that at all. I personally find fulfillment and joy when I can use my money in a way that can help other people, and I simply have not been able to do that as freely as I would like in the past few months. Do you have enough money after you give to pay for your bills, mortgage, etc…this month? I hate the thought of being limited or unable to give when I have an opportunity to help someone out.

Now with this in mind, I’m thinking of ways I can put myself in a position to give again. This means renting out my condo and simplifying my life. I have been doing an inventory of the things I need and don’t need and will try to donate, sell or trash all the things I don’t truly need. I’m not doing this out of guilt (although point #3 above may suggest otherwise), but rather out of motivation. I want to get back into a lifestyle where I can give freely. I’m also not doing this to punish myself, but rather to start forming better spending habits that will hopefully stick with me for a long time.

My goal is that once January 1, 2011 rolls around, I will only own 100 items. I have already started selling all of my condo furniture including the super comfortable blue couch, shelves, a few rugs, and yes, even my own bed. There’s still a ways to go to get down to 100 items but I still have a couple months. I have a long journey ahead of me that might get painful at times but I think it will be worth it in the end.

Let me know what you think. I had three friends already call me telling me that I’m crazy (and they were serious). I can assure you that I am not crazy. I promise. (I hope).

I’ll have an update this weekend and post some pictures up of all the stuff that I will be giving away or donating.

Update:
Hilarity and irony always surround my life. A buddy pointed out that if you go to the bottom of each post it says, “Written by jonewantsm3.” Yes, M3 as in BMW M3. What’s wrong with me!?

Written by jonewantsm3

October 27, 2010 at 1:00 am

Posted in 100 Things, Home

Looking For A Roommate

with 2 comments

I’ve been listing my condo on craigslist to find a potential roommate to move in with me. I must say that there is definitely a lot more effort, commitment, and emotional energy that goes into this whole process than I would have imagined. Not only do I need to find decent pictures of the place, I have to type an ad that is informative and yet stands out among thousands of other listings.


Who doesn’t want to live here?

I went to work typing up my ad trying to be as informative as possible regarding the room size, location, and benefits to living in this condo. Then I jumped into providing honest and accurate information of who I was, what I did, and what I enjoyed doing in my free time. The last bit was expressing to my reading audience the type of person I was looking to live with. Done. Happy with my quick work, I scrolled up to the beginning of my listing and reread what I had typed. By the time I finished, my satisfaction was replaced with a what the heck is this?…

…it sounded as if  I was trying to type up an online dating profile. Whatever. After a short scan-and-edit, I decided to keep “enjoys walking on the beach and late night talks” in my description.

The responses came flooding in.

I got tons of responses from guys and girls equally. I’m here to share with you some of the ridiculous responses I’ve received from these applicants.

1. The 18 year old girl.
She emailed saying my place looks “cool” and that “needs to get away from her parents. uggghhhh” so she wants to move out. Instant delete. I’ve heard of those child predator hidden camera shows… I’m not that stupid.

2. Old woman with cat.
What did you not understand when you read, “no pets allowed” ? And I’m not going to live with a woman who is old enough to be my mother if she had me when she was 20. She also offered to do housework or anything that could help alleviate the cost of rent.  Can you swing a hammer and cut moulding with a table saw? If so, I may reconsider your application. But not really.


Old woman… do you know how to tile a fireplace…?

3. Really interested but not really
This guy came over to see the condo and was extremely fidgety/uneasy the entire time. It was kind of one of those he was too scared to tell me something type of moments and when I asked him at the end, “well, what do you think of the condo?” he replies, “hmm… it’s nice…but I’m not really looking to move anywhere right now.” What!? I asked him, “okay so why did you want to check out the place then?” He responded with, “uh, yea…I don’t really know.” Are you kidding me son? Get out of my house…

4. Mother looking for her 24 year old son.
This lady barely speaks any English but I understand that she’s looking for a place for her son. I also find out that she and her son currently live ten minutes away and she’s looking for a place for her son that’s closer to his work. Well, where does your son work? Oh, he works three minutes away back in your direction. Yeah lady, that’s called commuting to work, sorry. Click.

5. Fat girl.
I didn’t even respond.

6. Just kidding about the fat girl in #5.
There wasn’t any fat girl who emailed (how would I know?) But if there was one…am I messed up if I really did that? Or am I just being smart to not waste my time?

7. Two 24 year old French chicks studying abroad
No my place is not close to PB. Is that okay? Oh, you’re not interested anymore? Dammit!

8. Girl who enjoys laughing.
She emailed saying that she does not have a steady job but really loves my place. She also really enjoys movies and laughing. Well, I’m sorry… as much as I enjoy laughing too, I enjoy rent money even more.

As much as I enjoy reading these emails and meeting interesting people, I do have a couple of legit candidates for moving in. As the floods of ridiculous emails still come in, my friend suggested that I start messing with them. The next time someone emails me and I think they’re wasting my time, I’m going to reply with one of the following:

1. “Can you cook, clean and give killer massages? If so, please reply back.”

2. “Are you okay with a clothing-is-optional policy that I have in my house?”

3. “Hi, a/s/l? Do you have a picture? Sincerely, 26/Yes/San Diego”

4. “Hi, I looked you up on facebook. Which one are you in your profile picture? Sincerely, Not a creeper”

 

Update 10/12/10:
I received the following email this morning from a crazy woman. Their email contains the following information:

“I don’t have time for wild, drunken orgies and am easy to get along with.”

I cannot tell you how tempted I am to email back and mess with this person. Oh wait, I already did…

Written by jonewantsm3

October 7, 2010 at 1:00 am

Posted in Home, Rant