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Archive for the ‘Rant’ Category

World Cup Awards

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Last night I watched FIFA hand out a few awards.

In addition to a sympathy Golden Ball to Messi, I watched the German Soccer Machine dance all over the field in their glorious victory. They definitely deserved their championship being the best team (by far) in the tournament. They manhandled Brazil to the point where I had to start sending text messages for the suicide hotline to my Brazilian friends.

I mean, it was so bad that I could not take an-Neymar of it…

I mean, if Neymar fracturing his vertebrae was not enough of a back breaker to Brazil, then Germany definitely came along and waltz-ed and Landler-ed all over it to make sure… nevermind, you get the point.

After doing some thinking, I’d like to contribute some awards of my own.

Here are my awards for the following…

Best Team: Germany

Worst Team: Cameroon

Surprise Team: Costa Rica

Most Improved But Not Really Team: USA

Makes You Say “Typical ___” Team: England

Best Looking Team: Spain

You’re welcome

Best Goalie: Tim Howard (USA)

Best Goal: RVP vs Spain

Biggest Crybaby: Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal)

Player I Dislike The Most: Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal)

Player Who Most Resembles A Giraffe: Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal)

Snickers Hungriest Player:  Luis Suarez (Uruguay)

Suarez Dracula

Best Coach: Miguel Herrera (Mexico)

Mexico’s Secret Weapon

Most Passionate: Miguel Herrera (Mexico)

Best Double Fist Pump: Miguel Herrera (Mexico)

Best Butt Slap: Miguel Herrera (Mexico)

Best Tackle: Miguel Herrera (Mexico)

Best 0-100 MPH: Miguel Herrera (Mexico)

Best Level Up: Miguel Herrera (Mexico)


Written by jonewantsm3

July 14, 2014 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

Golden State Warriors?

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Remember about seven years ago when the Seattle SuperSonics relocated their team to Oklahoma City?

Aside from angering every single basketball fan in Seattle and deleting their rich basketball history and giving NBA legends such as Payton and Kemp the shaft, the new team was asking fans to help rename the new team. I submitted the idea for a new team name as the OKLAHOMA CITY BOMBERS.

And I got mixed reactions.

Firstly, half of the people did not get it.

Secondly, the other half who did get it thought I was insensitive by referring to the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing by domestic terrorist Timothy McVeigh…which means they did not get it either.

I was referring to bombers as in bombers.

The B-29 Superfortress!

Little do you know that the B-29 Superfortress is now parked in Oklahoma City!! How perfect would my team name be!? Utterly ridiculous. Instead they named their team the Thunder which isn’t even an object. Good luck with the mascot issue.

Anyway, I have another opportunity as it seems that the Golden State Warriors are in debate whether or not they want a name change as well.

My suggestion would be The Golden State Californians…after the best SNL skit ever created.

“Whuddaaar yewwwww doing heeerrrre?”

I knew you would agree with me.

What do you think?

Written by jonewantsm3

April 25, 2014 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

Return Of The Mack

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Apologies to my faithful readers (all 3 of you…)

I have been seriously neglecting this blog for almost half of a year due to many reasons:

– House got flooded
– Laziness
– Traveling
– House got flooded again
– Laziness
– Camping
– House got flooded again
– House got flooded again
– Laziness

And guess what. Last night as I was going to bed, I saw a drip from the new pipe they installed which makes this the fifth time there is a water problem in my condo! !@#$!@$%!$#%!^#$#!!@#$@%…

While there are many reasons to not blog, the reality was that I was very unmotivated and lazy to do so and for this reason… I apologize and leave you with this gift.

Mark Morrison… yes!

I shall make a big effort to blog consistently again!

And I shall update you on all of my wonderful experiences that you missed out on!

Written by jonewantsm3

April 15, 2014 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

Famous Friend

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I have a famous friend now.

My buddy Joey got onto the Conan O’Brien show. Check it out

And yes he does talk like that in real life.

I caught another mistake Joey, they misspelled your last name. You can send in a second correction now…

You’re welcome.

Written by jonewantsm3

November 14, 2013 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

New Facebook Friend

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I requested this guy a long time ago but he finally accepted my friendship…officially.

Who is it? I’ll give you a clue..

He’s an actor slash model and not the other way around.



That’s right.

Be jealous.

Written by jonewantsm3

September 30, 2013 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

Interactions With My Boss: Part 2

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I was sitting at my desk working hard and rocking out to upbeat music when my boss walks in…

Boss: Hey can you get the force account tickets and…
Me: And…
Boss: And what the hell are you listening to?
Me: What? You don’t know who these guys are?
Boss: This is horrible music
Me: What! You’re crazy! How can you hate the Spice Girls?

Me: What did you want me to do again?

Me: C’mon man

Me: Don’t judge me

Me: So tell me what you want what you really really want… I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna
Boss: Stop. I’ll do it myself
Me: Okay

He walks out.

I finally found a way to avoid responsibilities at work.

Written by jonewantsm3

August 16, 2013 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

Blonde Sharktarded

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Actress turned shark expert Tara Reid recently weighed in on the topic of Whale Sharks.

I wonder what her theory is on how Bull Sharks came into existence…

Written by jonewantsm3

August 9, 2013 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant