Google, You Trippin’

For whatever reason, the nearly always reliable Google has been failing and disappointing me the past few weeks. Directions are horrible, Google searches are the suck, my calendar had some weird thing pop up saying its not compatible whatever… what’s going on? Then one day, on my spare time I Google search trips from San Diego to Honolulu just for kicks and I got a response that I was totally not expecting:

What is this!? A kid in elementary school can tell you that these directions are jacked up just by looking at the route. How long is this going to take me? Fifteen days are you kidding me Google?

And the directions…first off, why am I heading up to Washington? Second, why is it telling me to Kayak across the Pacific Ocean? Do they have good rental rates in Seattle? Why not just start Kayaking from San Diego?

This trip is not realistic at all…maybe Google is not all that I thought it to be. In fact, I can come up with better directions:

1. Walk to neighbor’s house and knock on door [30 feet]
2. Purchase three magical beans from Doraemon [$777.00/each] (yes, Doraemon is your neighbor!)

3. Walk across street to unicorn stable.
4. Unhitch and mount unicorn

5. Ride unicorn north in sky toward Santa’s Workshop [3,000 mi]
6. Slight left at the large candy cane [2 mi]
7. Arrive at north pole
8. Plant magical beans in snow

9. Urinate on beans to speed up sprouting process [1 gal]
10. Climb up toward heavens [1,000 ft]
11. Stomp on ten flying goombas [10 points]

12. Climb up to cloud platform [500 ft]
13. Greet Falkor with high five

14. Ride Falkor south (because anywhere is south if you’re at the north pole…duh) towards Hawaii [2,500 mi]
15. Parachute down to sandy white beaches
16. Go surfing

As far as I’m concerned, my directions are as reliable or even better than the one that Google provided. While Google’s maps out a fifteen day trip, mine takes anywhere between two to five hours depending on how fast you can climb. Kayak across the Pacific Ocean?… Please…I’d rather take the unicorn.