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World Cup Awards

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Last night I watched FIFA hand out a few awards.

In addition to a sympathy Golden Ball to Messi, I watched the German Soccer Machine dance all over the field in their glorious victory. They definitely deserved their championship being the best team (by far) in the tournament. They manhandled Brazil to the point where I had to start sending text messages for the suicide hotline to my Brazilian friends.

I mean, it was so bad that I could not take an-Neymar of it…

I mean, if Neymar fracturing his vertebrae was not enough of a back breaker to Brazil, then Germany definitely came along and waltz-ed and Landler-ed all over it to make sure… nevermind, you get the point.

After doing some thinking, I’d like to contribute some awards of my own.

Here are my awards for the following…

Best Team: Germany

Worst Team: Cameroon

Surprise Team: Costa Rica

Most Improved But Not Really Team: USA

Makes You Say “Typical ___” Team: England

Best Looking Team: Spain

You’re welcome

Best Goalie: Tim Howard (USA)

Best Goal: RVP vs Spain

Biggest Crybaby: Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal)

Player I Dislike The Most: Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal)

Player Who Most Resembles A Giraffe: Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal)

Snickers Hungriest Player:  Luis Suarez (Uruguay)

Suarez Dracula

Best Coach: Miguel Herrera (Mexico)

Mexico’s Secret Weapon

Most Passionate: Miguel Herrera (Mexico)

Best Double Fist Pump: Miguel Herrera (Mexico)

Best Butt Slap: Miguel Herrera (Mexico)

Best Tackle: Miguel Herrera (Mexico)

Best 0-100 MPH: Miguel Herrera (Mexico)

Best Level Up: Miguel Herrera (Mexico)


Written by jonewantsm3

July 14, 2014 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

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