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Haircut From Hell

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Last night, my haircut took almost one hour. It usually takes like 10-15 minutes. Except my barber loved to talk…

…about puppies.

She must have cut my hair over six times. I watched her over and over again, snipping away and trimming away with no hairs falling to the ground.

Girl: Do you like dogs?
Me: Yes
Girl: Me too! I love dogs so much. I was with my cousin once and he had this cute little dog and I took care of him all summer.
Me: Nice
Girl: Yea, he loved me. And this one time I was out in public and some guy came up to me and wanted to buy him but I said no.
Me: Okay
Girl: Yea, because my cousin takes his dogs and puts them into shows and competitions and one time I brought the little dog with me to the show and he sat with me the entire time and people kept saying how cute he was.
Me: Okay
Girl: Have you heard of those dog parasites?
Me: No
Girl: If you sleep with your dog, I saw on the discovery channel that you can get parasites from your dog and parasites go to your liver and infect your liver and that comes from sleeping with your dog.
Me: Oh, I did not know that
Girl: They have to squeeze the parasites out of the liver
Me: That sounds gross
Girl: Yea, I was at home and I walked out of the room and when I came in, it was on the TV and I was not ready to see it on TV. I mean, if I was sitting there watching it get to that point then maybe it would not be so bad but I left the room and then I walked back in and I was like “whoaa”
Me: Sorry
Girl: Yea, I don’t think it would be a good thing to get that ever. It looks so disgusting and I am very scared to sleep with dogs ever. Even the cute one that I had with my cousin… hey!
Me: What
Girl: Are you falling alseep?
Me: No. I’m just closing my eyes
Girl: Oh why?
Me: Um… because I’m hungry
Girl: Oh okay. Well the…

And it continued and continued and continued!

And then came a moment when I could have changed the outcome of the conversation but my brain was so out of it that I screwed up.

Girl: So, do you have a puppy?
Me: Yes

Dammit.

What I should have said was:

Puppy?! Heck no. I hate puppies so bad right now. The next time I see a puppy walking down the street. I’m going to park my car, get out and punt it. German Shepherd puppy? Punt! Poodle? Punt! In fact, I feel like jump kicking some puppies right now. Throw in some head locks and Indian burns while I’m at it! And if I ever find one in my bed so help me Lord, I’m going to stuff it and eat it for Thanksgiving. I’m Asian so I don’t even joke with this crap. Don’t push me I’ll do it. In fact, let’s go adopt some puppies right now. You and me after this haircut. And by adopt, I really mean grocery shopping. You can shave it and I’ll grill it over the fire. I am in the mood for some kung pao puppy tonight with a side of sweet and sour doggy dog. What? Are you falling asleep on me? Yea you better not!…

Instead I said “yes” and she went on for another 10-15 minutes about puppies.

At the very end of the haircut she asked where I was going. I said I’m going home to eat dinner. And she said that sounds so good right now and asked if anybody else was going over to eat.

Then to add more awkward on top of awkward, her friend calls out from the other side of the saloon, “No…Jen…you don’t even know him…”

Ha!

At least the haircut turned out decent.

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Written by jonewantsm3

May 24, 2013 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

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