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Semi-Decent Proposal

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Remember that movie Indecent Proposal featuring Woody Harrelson and Hottie Moore?

Yeah I hated that movie.

Mostly because I absolutely loathe and have no respect for people who cheat on their spouses or entertain the idea of it.

But anyway…

A coworker recently asked me if I was married.
I replied no.

Then he asked if I ever wanted to get married.
I replied yes.

Then he asked if I would marry his youngest daughter.
I started laughing.

Then he said he was serious and that he would pay me $10,000 as well.
Then I stopped laughing.

Hmm… I may have to think about this for a second.

My coworker was previously a professional baseball player (see MLB) as a third baseman. Then he stopped playing and became a superintendent at our company.

Anyway, so he starts telling me about this youngest daughter of his. Apparently, she’s really pretty, in great physical shape, she was a collegiate athlete, she’s studying kinesiology for sports, she models on the side, her sister was a previous Monster girl of the year married to a professional motocross racer, and just all around awesome.

He then told me to hold on and walked to get something from his car. He returned with a picture of her.

Not bad

Seems like a nice enough girl.

I mean, I could use the $10,000. Who wouldn’t? I can definitely think of a few things that would be really useful to me:

1. Hand carved luxury spherical ice cubes

2.Gold staples

Nothing says “I am more qualified than you” more than a golden staple in your resume

3. Gold light switch

4. Frisbees

If you throw it over the fence, your ass is getting it!

5. Carbon Fiber Toilet Seat

6. Wine Glass Neck Holder

This is the dumbest thing I have ever seen in my life

7. Laughter Box

Because nobody ever laughs with me

8. Oxygen Sleep Mask

Because you’ve never had better dreams than while sleeping high on O2

9. Anything from here

But in the end, I declined because I said the $10,000 is probably nowhere near the cost of inheriting him as a father-in-law. He disagreed and said that the price should be lower because I was going to get an awesome father-in-law. My counter proposal was $18,000 and his was $5,000. We are obviously horrible negotiators.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where we are currently stuck in our negotiations.

I’ll keep you posted.


Written by jonewantsm3

March 16, 2013 at 3:26 pm

Posted in Rant

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