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Four Things Friday

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Happy Friday.

Here are four things you should never say to your boss while you are at work.

Situation 1: Meeting
Boss: You coming to the meeting?
Johnny: Yea
Boss: Well let’s go. We’re late.
Johnny: Give me 5 more minutes…I got to finish this real quick
Boss: What are you working on? We’re late.
Johnny: Hold on. I’ve got to beat this level first…

Situation 2: Music
Boss walks into my office and sits in my visitor chair.

Boss: Well, the city is out there with the owner and it does not look good.
Johnny: Who do we have out there right now working with them?
Boss: Charlie is out there right now and…
Johnny: And…
Boss: Wait

Johnny: What.

Johnny: What are you looking around at?
Boss: Hold on. What is that?
Johnny: What is what?

Boss: …that! What is that sound?
Johnny: That’s called music…

Situation 3: Fired
Johnny: Here’s the paperwork. All the information and back up is included.
Boss: Great. Nice work.
Johnny: You need anything else from me?
Boss: No this is good, thanks.
Johnny: Yeah, take a look at it and let me know if you need me to revise it in any way.
Boss: He flips through it. Okay, but this looks good. Why are you being so thorough these days?
Johnny: Well I don’t think I’m going to be around next week that’s why.
Boss: Oh. Did you put in vacation hours? I can’t remember…
Johnny: No no… I’m just planning on getting fired sometime next week that’s all.

Situation 4: Soccer
We found a soccer ball on the jobsite.

Charlie: Hey were did you get the soccer ball?
Johnny: I found it over there while I was walking over here.
Boss: That’s what you call a real football.
Charlie: Haha. Only mexicans like you call it football…in America we call it soccer.
Boss: No…it’s called football because you play it with your feet.

The boss walks 50 feet away to talk to the subcontractor.

Johnny: Hey, I bet you can’t kick it over their heads.
Charlie: Who? Jerry? (the boss)
Johnny: Yea. They’re standing 50 feet away. I bet you can’t kick it over their heads.
Charlie: Are you kidding me? That’s way too easy.
Johnny: Whatever. You and your stumpy legs would be lucky to kick it 30 feet.
Charlie: Haha stumpy legs… I don’t want to scare them
Johnny: Scare them? It’s a ball!
Charlie: I don’t want to hit hem either.
Johnny: You’ll only hit them if you can’t kick it over. But if you can’t kick it over it’s okay, just say you can’t.
Charlie: I can totally kick it over them.
Johnny: Prove it then.
Charlie: Fine! Watch!

Charlie steps back and kicks a fast line drive straight towards my boss’s hip. My boss sees it and immediately raises his legs and stops the ball midair.

Johnny: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Charlie: HAHAHAHA!
Johnny: Oh my gosh that was amazing! HAHAHA
Charlie: HAHAHA!
Johnny: Oh man… he’s a pro! HAHAHAHAHA!
Boss: You see that? That’s called skill baby!
Charlie: Hahahaha Yeah that was really impressive.
Boss: Chivas baby! Chivas! That’s real Mexicans soccer for you guys.
Johnny: HAHAHAHAHA
Charlie: Why are you still laughing?
Johnny: Did you see how fast those natural instincts kicked in? HAHAHAHA

That’s it.

Some may wonder how I am still employed at this company.

Happy Friday!

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Written by jonewantsm3

October 12, 2012 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

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