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Friend Zone: Part 2

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In the previous post, we discussed the signs and indicators which allow you to know whether or not you are indeed stuck in the Friend Zone.

The purpose of this post however is to help people understand how they arrived in the Friend Zone and then provide a few methods and procedures of escaping it.

It seems that many guys are very aware of this Zone, yet they cannot begin to fathom why a nice guy, such as themselves, is always caught in it. One may even argue that the Friend Zone signs that I talked about in the previous post may actually be a good thing. Or that it’s better than nothing. I mean… at least they are spending time with her right? Time with her is better than no time with her right?


Very Wrong.

People who reason like that are in extreme denial and probably believe that they’re invincible to the Friend Zone and are probably the same people who believe in tooth fairies, unicorns and the Santa Claus creep. (yes, creep…he knows when you are sleeping… he knows when you’re awake…need I say more?)

Anyway, one does not simply just enter the Friend Zone for no good reason. Here are a few reasons why people end up in the Friend Zone:

1. You’re too nice. 

This is the biggest reason you are in the Friend Zone. You are so in love with the idea that the person is perfect for you that you let them walk all over you. Maybe not walk all over you, but at the very least you do some seriously ridiculous things to appeal to their happiness. The reality is that you are probably not this nice to everybody else but since your friend is so special to you, you give them VIP treatment which landed you in the Friend Zone. It is crucial to make sure that you are never referred to as “the nice guy” and this issue goes back to the beginning of time…

You have heard our ancestors say that nice guys finish last and it’s true. Our ancestors were mean ass people who took what they wanted and pro-created in the name of survival. Nice guys who were like “oh… you go ahead, take her for your wife, I’ll wait for the next one…” are all dead. And you don’t want that to happen to you now do you? Nope. Exactly. Because being dead is useless.

2. You’re not desirable.

Or rather, you’re not desirable enough. Yet.

You may be “the safest” choice but that’s not what she wants. If you become the easiest, no-brainer choice, then you have excluded yourself from her potential already. But while changing who you are as a person is a little more difficult, changing your physical appearance is a little more manageable.

Proper hygiene and upkeep. At the bare minimum, you should be showering and brushing your teeth on a regular basis (daily!) Then you need to put together a bonus package such as staying properly trimmed, maybe put on some Johnny Armani, and wear decent clothes.

And now a quick note about style. Do you find yourself trying really hard to look like this:

Hipsters… don’t even get me started…

While it may be “stylish” to try and look like a hobo or outdoorsman…there is about 99.99% chance that you are not a hobo or an outdoorsman.

3. You opened up too quickly.

Do you know why the ladies love Zorro? Because he’s Antonio Banderas so mysterious and hot. He maintains a level of mystery about him which makes the ladies wanting to know more and turns them into obsessive stalkers.

Heck. Do you remember Legolas? Of course you do. Remember his long monologue during Lord of the Rings where he spills his heart out to the world and lets everybody know who he really is as a person elf? No? Exactly. Because that never happened. Legolas was able to upgrade his Aura of Attraction to Level 99 by keeping his mouth shut.

And don’t let me get started on the ultimate hottie, but I will, Bradley Pitt in the movie Legends of the Falls. So mysterious that his brothers fiance goes after him and pretty much everybody else in the movie does too.

Every time Mr. Pitt takes his shirt off…he should win an Oscar for Best Performance

But you get the idea. Don’t open up too quickly and tell her your life plans and ambitions. Take your time and be mysterious because chicks dig that.

4. You lack confidence.

This is a no brainer. Girls want a guy who is confident in himself, daring and takes risks, and makes good decisions based on his knowledge and experience. Girls don’t want to date a wimpass who sits behind his computer all day and updates his facebook status with instagram photos.

Girls also shy away from guys who think along the lines of, “I value her friendship so much that I don’t want to make things weird” because those are probably the same guys growing up who played with Cabbage Patch Kids and participated in patty cake and hop scotch during recess time.


Now that I’ve completely discouraged you with reasons why you would find yourself in the  Friend Zone, I’ll offer some encouragement and insight on a better future. You may ask (or not), “In the history of mankind, has anybody ever gotten out of the Friend Zone? Is it even possible?” My simple answer is yes. And while it is as daunting a task as climbing Mt. Everest, it has been done before.

To my knowledge, there has only been one person in this universe that was successful in escaping the Friend Zone. In fact, this guy was sucked SO far into the Friend Zone that it makes absolutely no sense how he got out of it. He is the equivalent to the Friend Zone as Neo is to the Matrix.

I am talking about Forrest Gump.

Our hero. The retard.

Apparently the only way to escape the Friend Zone is to become retarded.

But before you reach for the sharp object and start stabbing away at certain cognitive areas of your cranium in the name of love, realize that there are other ways to make that girl know that you’re more than just a friend. There are a few other ways to make her realize that you’re the object of her wildest dreams. You can become the love of her life if you maintain discipline and follow the steps below.

Here is how to make it out of the Friend Zone.

1. Stop being a nice guy.

I didn’t say go around being a jerk and slapping food out of people’s hands or things of that nature. Just stop being too nice of a guy that you offer her special treatment that you would not offer otherwise.

In fact, stop giving her 189273408937 compliments a day.

When she asks you a question like how that dress looks on her, instead of replying with a, “you make it beautiful because you are a beautiful person inside and out,” you can give her a real guys answer such as, “it looks nice.” And once she becomes aware that the quality of the compliments are not coming as often and as charming as she would like, it will trigger the desperatus attachmentus area in her brain and she’ll start working for your approval and not the other way around.

Makes sense. Because it works.

And definitely don’t ever take her on a date here…

2. Be a man.

Girls are attracted to men. Not boys.

Do man things. Climb a mountain. Break things with your hands and your face. Eat red meat and for goodness sakes do not become a vegetarian. Stand up for what you believe in. Start a fight with another man. Start dressing like a man and not a hobo.

And while you may not be the most style aware person (me neither)… deep down, ladies want to be with someone who personifies a real man not a boy, and an easy way to help that is the way you dress and present yourself in public.


You don’t need to wear a suit all the time, but you don’t have to dress like a hobo either.

3. Create a void

This is one of the most important steps in getting out of the Friend Zone. You need to stop driving her to places where she wants to go, stop answering every time she calls you, stop texting back every time she texts, pretty much stop stalking her or being her butler.

When you create a void, she begins to wonder what you’ve been doing. You were around so much but all of a sudden you’re not around anymore. It shakes her confidence to the core.

Has he found new friends?
Has he found a new girlfriend?!
Is he even my friend anymore?!?
Will I ever get married?!?!
Am I going to die alone?!?!?

Yes. I’m pretty sure it gets that crazy real quick.

And the next time you see her, your interaction will go like this:

Her: Hi, how are you?
You: Good.

*You hug each other*

Her: How are you doing?
You: Great.
Her: I haven’t seen you in a while…you look good.
You: Thanks. Yeah. Wow, you look different too…you look so healthy now.
Her: What? I do? (confidence level 80%)
You: Yeah. Wow. I remember I used to be able to put my arms entirely around you when we hugged but you’re much more huggable now…
Her: Oh I didn’t know… (confidence level 50%)
You: Yeah it’s okay it happens.
Her: Yea. I guess I… (confidence level 20%)
You: So when do you want to grab dinner?
Her: Dinner?
You: Yeah, we need to catch up and stuff.
Her: That sounds good. I’ll invite so and so too and they can…
You: No. Dinner is just you and me.
Her: Okay (wow he’s so hot and confident now)
You: Damn straight I am
Her: (how does he know what I am thinking?)
You: I can read minds now. I’ll pick you up Thursday at 6PM.

The power of creating a void is undeniable.

4. Be Affectionate.

Touch her. Not inappropriately. But stop being the guy who’s afraid of physical contact because you’re too chicken to touch a female. And if I ever catch anybody I know with hover hands…Lord grant me the strength not to beat them senseless with my Fists of Awakening.

What are hover hands you ask?

These are hover hands:

Hover hands. You got to be kidding me.

Again, giving her an occasional appropriate touch will let her know that you are someone who has romance potential. When it comes to the girl of your dreams, remember that showing her the appropriate affection is the difference between normal hugging and monkey hugging.

Now that I’ve given you some help breaking out of the Friend Zone. I wish you the greatest success in making sure that you minimize your association with the dreaded place.

Until next time, Cheers!

Written by jonewantsm3

July 26, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Posted in Rant

2 Responses

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  1. who wrote this crap


    July 27, 2012 at 1:07 pm

  2. lol jk


    July 27, 2012 at 1:08 pm

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