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Friend Zone: Part 1

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The Friend Zone.


This topic of frustration has been surfacing in my life during the very recent past couple weeks. A few of the good close dudes that I know have been unintentionally and unknowingly sucked into this dark hole of pain, frustration and angst. And while it is funny at times (most times actually), it tremendously sucks once you realize that it has happened to you as well.

In this two part post, I would like to address a few things about this notorious Friend Zone. First off, we must properly address what it means to be in the Friend Zone so that we can understand it fully.

The Friend Zone is when Person A wants to initiate a romantic relationship with Person B but instead gets thrown mercilessly into the platonic friends category.

Syn: pit of loneliness, just a friend, nice guy, ideal guy friend

Caption should instead read: Thomas is ecstatic to be in Carla’s Friend Zone: Besties For Life.

Let’s be honest here.

We’ve all been thrown in the Friend Zone before (with the exception of maybe someone like Brad Pitt) including myself on multiple occasions. Some more than others. Here are some famous people who have been Friend Zoned:

Quasimodo friend zoned by Esmeralda

Cyrano de Bergerac friend zoned by Roxanne

Severus Snape friend zoned by Lily (Evans) Potter

You see? It happens to everybody.

What does the Friend Zone look like? Is it possible to identify the early stages of this horrible state of friendship? Let’s take a look at a few signs that indicate you are heading straight for the Friend Zone if you are not already in it.

1. She feels too comfortable around you. You are such a good friend that she will tell you everything and open up to you too quickly. She’ll vent to you about her relationship problems and while you think you’re on the highway straight to her heart, you’re actually on the fast track to the Friend Zone. If she’s attracted to you, she’ll be a little more wary of the things that she says and you’ll end up learning less about her which is actually a good thing if you want her to be your girlfriend…funny how that works…

2. Availability. Either she is only available when it’s convenient for her or she only hangs out with you in a group setting. And both of them suck. If you find yourself being too available, that is a big no no as well. You’re just allowing yourself to be thrown into the Friend Zone at that point. You’re pretty much like a puppy who keeps waiting for its owner to play with it which is sad and pathetic. And ask yourself…how many real men do you know that have puppy like qualities? That’s right. None.

3. She becomes a matchmaker for you. She thinks you’re such an amazing guy that she wants you to date her friend or cousin or sister because you’re such a catch. She says great things about you and feeds you compliments. Heck, her mother and father probably think you’re an amazing guy and someone who will never break their daughter’s heart and they’re probably right. In fact, you’re definitely the ideal boyfriend for any girl… except for her…

4. Hugs. She may side hug you which is just the stupidest thing in the world and a straight indication you’re in the Friend Zone. Or…she may just like giving you hugs all the time. But just hugs and nothing more. A good female (married) friend recently shed some light that if a girl really likes you, she’ll definitely want to do more than just hug all the time. If she’s really into you, she’ll want to move quickly past the hugging stage of the relationship into the … monkey hugging or the heavy petting stages of the relationship…Ifyaknowhatimean…

5. Stuff she says. Now these are very clear indicators that you are in the Friend Zone. If you hear any of these, you must ground your heroic attempt of landing your fighter jet onto her runway and abort the mission. Here are some things you never want to hear her say:

“You’re so sweet. You’re such a nice guy.” (70% in the FZ. You can actually still escape this if you catch it early on)

“You’re my best friend!” (90% in the FZ. You are entering a point of no return)

“I wish more guys were like you.” (95% in the FZ)

“Why can’t I ever meet any guys like you?” (98% in the FZ. You are no longer an option of romance)

“You’re going to be a great boyfriend. Whoever you find is going to be such a lucky girl…” (99% in the FZ. You have pretty much become invisible to her)

“You’re like a brother to me” (200% in the FZ. F. You failed.)

If you are reading this post and there are tears in your eyes like the picture of Biz Markie below, then I feel for you. I really do. Look. It happens to the best of us, me included. But if you get caught in the dreaded Friend Zone, you must accept the reality that you probably will not crawl out of the hole. But fear not because there are always exceptions…maybe not a lot but there are a few rare instances where you can escape. Part 2 of the Friend Zone post will be a tutorial on how to get yourself unstuck from this crappy situation.

Even iconic rappers can’t escape the Friend Zone.

In the meantime, you can click the song below and enjoy your sorrow a little while longer.


Written by jonewantsm3

July 24, 2012 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

One Response

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  1. hahah thanks for the mid-day entertaining read.. 🙂


    July 24, 2012 at 4:17 pm

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