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Things That I Will Never Say

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The following are a list of things you will never hear me say:

Your shirt looks nice tucked in without a belt.

You’re right, let me pull over and ask someone for directions.

You want to go shopping with me?

You want to go shopping?

No I don’t feel like surfing today.

Don’t worry I’ll kill the spider.

I never wear socks with my sandals.

She smells way too nice.

Baseball is a sport.

I wish Morgan was a cat.

No thanks, I don’t like papaya milk shakes.

This weekend was way too long.

What’s the difference between a purse and a handbag?

I love hip hop music these days.

You know what I’m craving so badly right now? A salad.

Cats are so cute.

Those crocs look nice on you.

Please go ahead, I don’t mind you smoking in front of me.

I’m thinking of trading my truck in for a Ford Focus.

No thanks, I don’t like M&Ms.

No thanks, I don’t like chocolate.

Cowabunga.

Hello Kitty is so cool.

Man I totally regret going to the gym today.

I can’t wait to get back to work on Monday.

Let’s go dancing at a club.

No I don’t want to see the new Brad Pitt movie.

Aw man I ruined my jeans!

That turtleneck looks great on you bro.

I don’t feel like eating sushi tonight.

Her long hair needs to be shorter.

No thanks, I don’t like avocados that much.

Do you think he’s better looking than me?

Yes I would like a cup of coffee please.

Did you see what so-and-so was at the Oscars last night?

My nails look so good today.

I’m so sick of Mexican food.

Girls look horrible when they wear spring/summer dresses.

I need to get ready first, give me thirty minutes.

I love the songs that they play on the radio.

Sophie Marceau? Ew she’s gross.

I’m so glad we missed the movie previews.

Monica Bellucci? She’s gross too.

Um, I got it cut like two weeks ago thanks for noticing.

Carrie Underwood? No, I could never date a girl like her.

Anybody want to go to the mens room with me?

Are you coming to my half-birthday party this weekend?

No, thanks for telling me the ending, I wasn’t planning on watching that movie.

No, thanks for telling me the ending, I wasn’t going to read that book anyway.

South American women are not attractive at all.

I agree, a messenger bag is pretty much a man purse.

Did you see what happened on The Bachelor/Bachelorette last night?

No I don’t want to animal style my double double.

Did I tie my tie correctly?

You can call me John, I don’t mind.

No I definitely do not have a small crush on Shania Twain.

Radiohead is decent.

My cuticles are way too long.

Mangoes are so disgusting.

I don’t like playing with fire.

…And that is my list. Those are the things that I thought of off the top of my head. Feel free to add your own.

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Written by jonewantsm3

April 10, 2012 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

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