Things That I Will Never Say
The following are a list of things you will never hear me say:
Your shirt looks nice tucked in without a belt.
You’re right, let me pull over and ask someone for directions.
You want to go shopping with me?
You want to go shopping?
No I don’t feel like surfing today.
Don’t worry I’ll kill the spider.
I never wear socks with my sandals.
She smells way too nice.
Baseball is a sport.
I wish Morgan was a cat.
No thanks, I don’t like papaya milk shakes.
This weekend was way too long.
What’s the difference between a purse and a handbag?
I love hip hop music these days.
You know what I’m craving so badly right now? A salad.
Cats are so cute.
Those crocs look nice on you.
Please go ahead, I don’t mind you smoking in front of me.
I’m thinking of trading my truck in for a Ford Focus.
No thanks, I don’t like M&Ms.
No thanks, I don’t like chocolate.
Hello Kitty is so cool.
Man I totally regret going to the gym today.
I can’t wait to get back to work on Monday.
Let’s go dancing at a club.
No I don’t want to see the new Brad Pitt movie.
Aw man I ruined my jeans!
That turtleneck looks great on you bro.
I don’t feel like eating sushi tonight.
Her long hair needs to be shorter.
No thanks, I don’t like avocados that much.
Do you think he’s better looking than me?
Yes I would like a cup of coffee please.
Did you see what so-and-so was at the Oscars last night?
My nails look so good today.
I’m so sick of Mexican food.
Girls look horrible when they wear spring/summer dresses.
I need to get ready first, give me thirty minutes.
I love the songs that they play on the radio.
Sophie Marceau? Ew she’s gross.
I’m so glad we missed the movie previews.
Monica Bellucci? She’s gross too.
Um, I got it cut like two weeks ago thanks for noticing.
Carrie Underwood? No, I could never date a girl like her.
Anybody want to go to the mens room with me?
Are you coming to my half-birthday party this weekend?
No, thanks for telling me the ending, I wasn’t planning on watching that movie.
No, thanks for telling me the ending, I wasn’t going to read that book anyway.
South American women are not attractive at all.
I agree, a messenger bag is pretty much a man purse.
Did you see what happened on The Bachelor/Bachelorette last night?
No I don’t want to animal style my double double.
Did I tie my tie correctly?
You can call me John, I don’t mind.
No I definitely do not have a small crush on Shania Twain.
Radiohead is decent.
My cuticles are way too long.
Mangoes are so disgusting.
I don’t like playing with fire.
…And that is my list. Those are the things that I thought of off the top of my head. Feel free to add your own.