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Year Of The Dragon

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Oops…I totally forgot about Chinese New Year this year.

I am the worst Asian ever.

But I will make it up by talking about the Year of the Dragon. Or better known as Year of the Bruce Lee…

When boys are younger, they dream of growing up to be something like a fireman, or policeman, or astronauts, cowboys, marines, or something along those lines. But not Asian boys. Oh heck no.

Asian boys grow up wanting to be Bruce Mutha Friggin Lee. (yes I’ll go put a dollar into the jar later but its worth it) Well, as for me, I wanted to be a dinosaur but I was somewhat of a retarded little boy…but I knew that if that didn’t work out Bruce Lee would be a very close second choice!

Owned and owned.

As an Asian kid growing up, you would practice the arts of Bruce Lee on everything and anything. We would Bruce Lee the crap out of our mom’s plants in the living room, the family pet, the bed post, our friends, stuffed animals…you name it, we can beat its ass. That is until father came home from work and mother would tell them how naughty we were and then he would Bruce Lee the crap out of us until dinner time.

Things get crazy in an Asian fight

And don’t get me wrong, I’ve play fought with my white friends growing up. All it is…are simple cheap shots to the nuts, or smacking them in the head when they weren’t looking, or crouching behind them and having a friend push them over from the front, or its pulling their pants down or something along those cowardly lines. Asian boys would for whatever reason turn a simple “you looked at me funny” into a kung-fu stance competition, into an epic neck chopping battle, into a full blown flying jump kick war. Which is by far the more honorable way to beat your friend’s ass when he doesn’t hand over the Nintendo controller when it’s your turn.

I also remembered the mistake of many Asian boys who tried fighting white boys entering their teenage years. At puberty, the average white boy gains muscle mass and facial hair…while the average Asian boy develops a love for World of Warcraft and poor eyesight. The contest is not even close.

Bruce Lee beating some serious ass…

If Bruce Lee wants you to eat it, you will eat it.

For most Asian people, Chinese New Year is a big deal especially this year.  As for me, I can appreciate the culture and the importance of it to my parents and family but what I really look forward to is the big fat delicious Chinese dinner and the red envelopes of bliggity bling.

Until next year… Cheers!

Written by jonewantsm3

January 25, 2012 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

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