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I Secretly Enjoy These Things

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This is a follow up to my previous post called, “I Do Not Enjoy These Things.”

The following is a list of things I secretly enjoy (that you may or may not already know about) and since my blog is a safe place, I will share these with you…over the internet…the safest place in the world to store sensitive information.

Smelling gasoline. Sometimes I just sit at gas stations because the smell of gasoline is so enticing. Heck. Sometimes I bring my sandwich to the gas station and sit next to the pump so I can enjoy a big whiff of brain damage as I bite into my five dollar foot long. I’m kidding. Only creepy guys do that…and I’m not. But I have smelled it for so long that I often wonder what it tastes like…

Tapatio hot sauce. If Jesus had to pick the best overall hot sauce, it would be Sriracha. But since Jesus is a Mexican… he probably leans towards Tapatio all the time, every time. While Sriracha is way better, I can only use it on Asian foods and a small variety of others. Tapatio…I can put that stuff on everything and anything, just like Jesus does. It is like the Mexican version of the Asian Sriracha…except more watery, more versatile, and more Mexican.

Alfonso Ribeiro. I enjoy him as a person, actor, and lifestyle. I know the title of this post may be misleading people to think that I secretly enjoy Alfonso Ribeiro in a weird way. But that is only the tip of the iceberg. He is better known as Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and best known for his dance move that forever changed how dancing was done. In early high school, I went to a dance and did The Carlton in front of a few girls expecting a few laughs. They immediately walked away. What did I do wrong!? I was not Alfonso Ribeiro was what I did wrong.

Dr. Pepper. It is officially known as the best soda in the universe. With every sip I take of this fine drink, I can feel all 23 unique flavors infiltrating my body in a very appropriate manner.

Car accidents. Every time I hear a car’s tire screeching, I secretly wish that it’s followed by a nice little crunching sound. I definitely don’t mean that I like to see anybody get hurt, but at least a nice little panic and fender bender would really get my adrenaline going…unless the screeching sounds are coming from behind me.

Canned green beans. Yes, I realize that 99.9% of people think that this is very disgusting. I also realize that many people my age had this served to them while they were eating elementary school cafeteria food and this is the reason they hate it. Oddly enough, this is the very reason I like them. The weird smell when you open the can is strong enough to turn most people away…but not this weirdo. Open the can, lightly salt it and you’re good to go!

Stripes. I love stripes. Stripes stripes stripes. I really enjoy them for some unexplainable reason. I enjoy when a baseball outfield has two colors of grass in a striped pattern, I enjoy looking at the menu at TGI Fridays, I enjoy looking at 75% of the American flag, and I enjoy referee uniforms. Also notice the stripes on Alfonso Ribeiro’s shirt in the picture above. Not a coincidence.

“I like it when girls touch me” I may or may not have said this out loud recently at a party. A few people may or may not have heard me say it. I may or may not have a brain to mouth filter built into my system.

FOBs speaking Engrish. I enjoy listening to FOBs who are speaking Engrish…try to speak English. And it’s easy to speak like them too! Here’s how:

1. Swap your L’s and R’s.
2. Pronounce “Th-“ as S-sounds.
3. Add H-sounds in front of Wh’s.
4. Pronounce “-ing” as “-y” (long E sound)

Sen arr of youl sentences hwirr begin soundy rike sis hwen you alre tarky to me.

Rook at me! I am havy good time visity Horrywood in USA! (that is NOT me by the way…)

Ensure. If I created a food blog, I would have a picture of the Ensure drink at the top with the phrase, “Drink this stuff. It’s good for you.” In fact, I’m not even sure it’s good for me to drink it. Isn’t it for like…pregnant mothers and older women? Whatever. It’s creamy thickness is so ..indescribably good. This sweet glorious nectar brings so much happy to my day and so many questions from my mother.

Mom: Johnny, did you take a bunch of Ensures again…?
Johnny: What? Hahaha mom… c’mon…

Then I try to get away quickly. Notice that I don’t lie to her.

Wedding blogs. For some reason, I really love like reading and looking at wedding blogs. I don’t have any excuses.

As much as I enjoy these things, I definitely don’t enjoy them as much as Debbie enjoys cats.

Happy Monday.


Written by jonewantsm3

August 22, 2011 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

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