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San Diego Chargers: New Stadium Plan

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Recently, there’s been lots of talk of the San Diego Chargers skipping town and moving up to Los Angeles. What a bunch of garbage.

The city of San Diego and the Chargers organization need to sack up and figure this out now. As much as I love the Q, it’s like loving your first car that is falling apart but still somehow manages to hold some kind of sentimental value. I would much rather trade it in for a brand new state-of-the-art Luxury BA vehicle.

And as long as everybody is voicing their opinions regarding whether they should stay in San Diego, or where the new stadium should be located, or if it should be a closed or open stadium… I officially submit my stadium proposal as well. I present to you, Chargers Island, the world’s first floating stadium:


San Diego Chargers Island Stadium will float off the coast of San Diego with a retractable clear cover.

Here are a few highlights/features of my brand new stadium proposal:

1. Floating Island
San Diego is the most chillest city in the world. We love our ocean so why not build the stadium in the water? This solves the problem of where to locate the stadium and arguing over rights to the land and all that stuff. What about pollution in the ocean? Well, there won’t be any because all the waste that is generated will be compacted into tight packages and launched back to land. The waste cannons have their GPS coordinates automatically set to the location of the Oakland Colosseum. Since Oakland is the armpit of California anyway, nobody will really care. Also, the energy required to run the massive propeller underneath the island is fueled by noise and vibrations generated by the game and magnified by the clear dome covering. How this technology works, I have no idea but if we can build a stadium like this, we should have that technology figured out as well.

In the playoffs, we could even float the island further out near Hawaii to make the trip for teams like New England and Indianapolis a lot further and burdensome… just to mess with their mind.

2. Transportation
Fans will have a few options of how to arrive to the games. They can ferry to and from the stadium, dock their own ships, or ferry to and surf back. After each game, the island will use hydraulic forces to move up and down to generate epic sized waves for fans to surf back home. They will also extend a ridiculous length of reef out to create the perfect break and let fans enjoy their journey home. Surfboards not provided.

3. Coral Reef
All that funky color you see underneath is actually a huge coral reef system. During the off season, Chargers Island floats closer to the coast and anybody is encouraged to go and swim underneath and visit the various marine life. They’ll be in cooperation with Steven Birch Aquarium and Seaworld to help generate profit and teach San Diego students about cool ocean life on awesome field trip opportunities. Imagine the interaction between two students meeting from two parts of the United States.

San Diego kid: Hey Billy Bob, Where did you go for your field trip?
St Louis kid: I visit a carrot farm and sampled carrot juice…
San Diego kid: We took a submarine and visit the reefs under Chargers Island and ate lunch at their underwater restaurant!
St Louis kid: FML…

4. Tailgating on the Beach
There will be a large beach/sand area around the entire stadium. Fans can purchase tickets for these reserved spots and tailgate outside on the sandy lawn and watch the game on giant screens outside of the stadium. For far too long, San Diego fans have been accused with being fair-weather fans or band wagoners and as much as I hate to admit it, there is some truth to that claim. When the sun is blazing and the surf is pumping, I too struggle with the decision to go to the beach or watch the Chargers game. Life is full of difficult decisions like this when you live in San Diego.

But now, you can do both! Fans can head out to Chargers Island and tailgate on the sand, watch the game on the large screens outside of the stadium, play volleyball with hot chicks and enjoy all of the perks of San Diego.

5. Pre-Game Celebration
Anybody who has been to a Chargers game is familiar to the cool pre-game flyovers performed by the awesome pilots at Miramar. But they will now be obsolete as the cool new pre-game celebration will be to float a warship out from San Diego Bay and fire those just outside the stadium. Much louder. Much awesomer. Much more America. Cannons set to coordinates 40º oo’ N 127º 00′ E

6. Security
Chargers Island will be the safest stadium in the world. Why? Because the security system will be state of the art, never before utilized in the real world. It will be designed as giant versions of Dr. Otto Gunther Octavius’ tentacle arms as seen in Spiderman 2. The system will automatically detect any unruly behavior and notify the security operators of such activities. The operator will then be allowed to control the arms to remedy the situation and dispose of fans in a proper manner.

In my opinion, this is the best stadium proposal yet. What’s not to like about it?

 

Update: 

It has been brought to my attention that I spelled “Chargers” as “Changers” in my artist sketch of the floating stadium. Maybe I did this on purpose to protect myself from the backlash of the Chargers organization coming after me. Or maybe I can’t spell. And maybe I’m too lazy to go back through Microsoft Paint and change it…

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Written by jonewantsm3

June 21, 2011 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

One Response

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  1. Totally awesome!!!! The best part is the Raider Ejection System. We need to develop that first.

    Doug

    August 21, 2011 at 7:26 pm


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