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Happy Birthday To Me

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Yesterday was my birfday. Happy birfday to me.

Honestly, my birthday is not that big of a deal for me to celebrate…all I really ask for is to spend time with friends or family and really… that’s it. Yesterday, I went to work and had a family dinner which I was happy with. My dad is still out of town on a business trip until next week so he wasn’t here.

Anyway, here are a few highlights of the night:

Part One: Driving Mom and Sister to pick up Grandpa

Mom is the ultimate backseat driver but she’s getting better. I have tried to remedy this constant backseat voice by turning the radio to San Diego’s Jazz station 88.3 whenever mother is in the car. So just as we leave the house, I’m talking to sister about her college when I look in the backseat and mother is clearly thinking about something very hard. Her forehead is wrinkled in deep thought and she looks to be in a meditative state. In my mind, I’m thinking she’s wondering about dinner logistics and whether she made reservations correctly or not. Whatever.

We drive for another ten minutes. A new jazz song comes on the radio with someone riding the high hat and a trumpet solo starts.

Mom: AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! I got it!
JS: What? You got what?
Mom: This music. I know this music. This is that Mexican music they play down in Mexico.
Sister: Wow.
JS: What on earth…?
Mom: Mexicans play this all the time… I know it…
JS: Mom. It’s Jazz. This is a trumpet solo.
Mom: Yeah. Mexican music.
Sister: Wow. I can’t believe I’m hearing this.
Mom: What? Mexicans don’t play this?
JS: No, I’m sure they do but this is Jazz…not Mariachi. Please don’t confuse them mom.
Mom: Aiyo! I know what I’m talking about.
JS: Okay mom, you win.

Another five minutes go by and the solo is still going on.

Mom: C’mon! How is this not Mexican music! You’re telling me this isn’t Mexican music?
Sister: Wow. Racist.
JS: Dude, it’s mom. She…nevermind.

Part Two: Picking up Grandpa

We got to my grandpa’s condo and I walked to the door to escort him to my car. He was already outside and turned to lock the door as I walked up the pathway to greet him. I haven’t seen this guy in months.

JS: Hi Grandpa! How are you? You doing okay?
Grandpa: Where’s your girlfriend? Is she coming to dinner?
JS: I don’t have a girlfriend…
Grandpa: I know. (laughs hysterically)

We walk back to the car slowly.

JS: Here grandpa, let me open the car door for you…
Grandpa: Am I ever going to meet her before I die? hahahahaha…

Wow. Too far grandpa…too far. I close the door.

Part Three: Dinner

Dinner was delicious. My only question is… why do they always have such ambiguous descriptions on the menu?

What the heck are these assorted cold dishes? Vegetarian Duck makes no sense at all. And this “Craving at 5AM” sounds crazy delicious. In fact, I ordered it because I wanted to see what the heck it was. It was hot and spicy. Something that someone definitely should not be eating at 5AM unless they want to follow up with a side of “Diarrhea at All Day”.

Also, we usually have a few minutes to compete who makes the best chopstick holder for dinner. Grandpa saw me make mine and then made his own. His sucked. Hey old man, take that for the girlfriend comment earlier…


My chopstick holder is on the right and his failure is on the left.

Grandpa: Hey…don’t take a picture of it. I’m not done with it.
JS: Oh, you’re done with it. Get your hands away!
Grandpa: Okay fine. You’re future girlfriend would be so proud of you. Hahaha

Dammit.

Part Four: Dinner Conversation over Shark Fin soup

We got shark fin soup because it was delicious. While we were eating the soup, I mentioned that I read in an article online last week that people were trying to make it illegal in California to buy, sell or eat real shark fin soup.

Mom: Oh. Then we should listen and not eat this soup…
JS: No mom. There are people in California who want to make it illegal because of the way they cut the fins off and then throw the shark back in the ocean to die
Mom: Oh. That’s horrible. Fine, we shouldn’t order this again at restaurants…
JS: What? I thought you like this soup..? This stuff is good
Mom: I do but if Asian people don’t want to eat the soup, then we should stop eating it too
JS: It’s not the Asian people who want to stop eating it, it’s mostly white people who disagree with how we get the fins mom
Mom: Oh, then we should definitely listen.
JS: What? Why?
Mom: Well, this is America. And this is their country. We should do what they say and not cause trouble.

I am completely shocked. I stare at my mom for a few seconds. Then I look over to my sister who has stopped eating her soup and who is equally shocked.

JS: Mom. You do remember that I was born here in San Diego right…?
Mom: Yes, what about it?
JS: …and that makes me American…
Mom: Oh yeah. I forgot.
JS: Wow mom, you’d make the perfect railroad worker…one who will never complain at all…
Mom: Wait…who’s building a railroad?
JS: Nevermind.

The soup was delicious.

Part Five: Birthday Presents

I repeatedly told my mom and dad to not buy me anything for my birthday. All I wanted was to grab a nice dinner and spend time with family but they both got me something anyway. We’ll start with my dad’s gift which was a polo shirt with many many many colors. It reminded me of a tie-dye polo shirt that had weird stripes and sleeve colors instead of a psychedelic swirl. The second my mom showed me the gift, we all laughed because everybody knew (except for my dad) that I would not like the shirt the moment I laid eyes on it. My brother also added the unnecessary comment, “Happy Birthday man… nice Joseph polo.” (See link if you do not get the joke)

Then my mom gave me her present in a bag. I looked inside.

JS: Thanks mom… what the freak? Why?
Mom: Tada!
JS: This isn’t funny anymore. Why are you doing this?
Mom: Well I figured this will help too.
JS: This will help too?
Mom: Yes.
Sister: What is it?

I pull the gift out of the bag.


(See previous Johnny Armani post)

Overall, I had a great birthday. I spent time with family (minus my dad) and ate some super dank food at a really nice restaurant. I leave you with a childhood birthday picture of me in junior high. This was back when my dad would go, “hey look!” and then snap the photo. No wonder we all look completely ridic in this photo.


Best birthday photo: mom caught unprepared, attention wh___ sister, Johnny Sideburns completely stoked about the birthday cake and proof that my bro was once skinny.

Happy Friday

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Written by jonewantsm3

June 17, 2011 at 1:00 am

Posted in Living Life

One Response

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  1. LOL! ur family is hilarious!

    Dina

    June 19, 2011 at 10:18 pm


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