Last week, I had an interesting conversation with my mother.
She just returned from a two month trip with my dad going to all these cool places…Taiwan, SE Asian, South Africa, Kenya…yes, I’m super jealous. And she called me asking me if I wanted to stop home for dinner sometime during the week, so of course I did. We jump to our after dinner exchange:
Please keep in mind that she is speaking in Mandarin/Taiwanese which I have translated for you:
Mom: Ooh.. I have to give you the gift that we got you
Johnny Sideburns: Ahhh… I don’t need any gifts mom…
Mom: Nonsense, let me go get it, I’ll be right back.
JS: I told you guys that you don’t ever have to buy me any gifts… I don’t need anything…
In my mind, I was secretly hoping it was something from Africa…
Mom: Here you go! I know you collect these!
She hands me a few shot glasses from South Africa which.. yes, I do collect shot glasses from different countries and states.
JS: Wow, cool thanks, I’ll go put these with my other glasses…
Mom: We also got you another gift!
JS: …another gift? why?
Mom: Tada! Open it!
JS: You guys got me cologne? and aftershave? Wow.. thanks…
Mom: Yes, you’re supposed to put it on and it will make you smell good.
JS: Well, I was running out of aftershave so this is good…now I don’t have to go buy it. Thanks mom.
Mom: What’s aftershave?
JS: Um… well, I use it…after I shave…
Mom: ooh… like on your face? After you shave?
JS: Yup, and only on my face because… nevermind.
After I open the box
JS: So what does it smell like? Did you guys try it out before?
Mom: It smells like freshness
JS: Let me spray it on you to test it…
Mom: No! You can’t spray that on me! I’m a woman and that is for men!
JS: But I need to know how it smells!
Mom: Mmmm see it smells good!
JS: Yea it’s okay. Thanks.
Mom: Dad and I wanted to get this for you…to help you…
JS: Help me? Help me with what…
Mom: Help like when you go out with friends and meet people…
JS: Help meet people…?
They are obviously hinting at my singularity.
JS: Hahaha…what the heck is going on here…?
Mom: Why are you talking like that?
JS: Like what?
Mom: Like that. What…do you not like your gift?
JS: No no.. I like it. It’s good thanks.
Mom: Do you even know this brand? Dad and I got this for you because it’s a famous brand, it wasn’t cheap. Look here it says…Johnny Armani
JS: Johnny Armani?
Mom: Yes, Johnny Armani. What, you’ve never heard of it?
JS: No, I’ve heard of it. You’re just saying it wrong… it’s called Giorgio Armani
Mom: Johnny Armani
JS: No…Gee-or-gee-oh Armani
Mom: Gee-ah-nee Armani
JS: Gee-or-gee-oh Armani
Mom: Johnny Armani
JS: Yup, that’s it, you got it. Thanks mom.
Sweet, I’ve got Johnny Armani cologne and aftershave to help me with the ladies. Thank you mom and dad.