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Johnny Armani

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Last week, I had an interesting conversation with my mother.

She just returned from a two month trip with my dad going to all these cool places…Taiwan, SE Asian, South Africa, Kenya…yes, I’m super jealous. And she called me asking me if I wanted to stop home for dinner sometime during the week, so of course I did. We jump to our after dinner exchange:

Please keep in mind that she is speaking in Mandarin/Taiwanese which I have translated for you:

Mom: Ooh.. I have to give you the gift that we got you
Johnny Sideburns: Ahhh… I don’t need any gifts mom…
Mom: Nonsense, let me go get it, I’ll be right back.
JS: I told you guys that you don’t ever have to buy me any gifts… I don’t need anything…

In my mind, I was secretly hoping it was something from Africa…

Mom: Here you go! I know you collect these!

She hands me a few shot glasses from South Africa which.. yes, I do collect shot glasses from different countries and states.

JS: Wow, cool thanks, I’ll go put these with my other glasses…
Mom: We also got you another gift!
JS: …another gift? why?
Mom: Tada! Open it!
JS: You guys got me cologne? and aftershave? Wow.. thanks…
Mom: Yes, you’re supposed to put it on and it will make you smell good.
JS: Well, I was running out of aftershave so this is good…now I don’t have to go buy it. Thanks mom.
Mom: What’s aftershave?
JS: Um… well, I use it…after I shave…
Mom: ooh… like on your face? After you shave?
JS: Yup, and only on my face because… nevermind.

After I open the box

JS: So what does it smell like? Did you guys try it out before?
Mom: It smells like freshness
JS: Let me spray it on you to test it…
Mom: No! You can’t spray that on me! I’m a woman and that is for men!
JS: But I need to know how it smells!


Mom: Mmmm see it smells good!
JS: Yea it’s okay. Thanks.
Mom: Dad and I wanted to get this for you…to help you…
JS: Help me? Help me with what…
Mom: Help like when you go out with friends and meet people…
JS: Help meet people…?

They are obviously hinting at my singularity.

JS: Hahaha…what the heck is going on here…?
Mom: Why are you talking like that?
JS: Like what?
Mom: Like that. What…do you not like your gift?
JS: No no.. I like it. It’s good thanks.
Mom: Do you even know this brand? Dad and I got this for you because it’s a famous brand, it wasn’t cheap. Look here it says…Johnny Armani
JS: Johnny Armani?
Mom: Yes, Johnny Armani. What, you’ve never heard of it?
JS: No, I’ve heard of it. You’re just saying it wrong… it’s called Giorgio Armani
Mom: Johnny Armani
JS: No…Gee-or-gee-oh Armani
Mom: Gee-ah-nee Armani
JS: Gee-or-gee-oh Armani
Mom: Johnny Armani
JS: Yup, that’s it, you got it. Thanks mom.

Sweet, I’ve got Johnny Armani cologne and aftershave to help me with the ladies. Thank you mom and dad.


Written by jonewantsm3

April 4, 2011 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

4 Responses

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  1. you’re a really good writer! and funny too!! I laugh so hard reading this!


    April 4, 2011 at 5:17 pm

  2. […] after the Johnny Armani post, my mom decided to head back on another two month vacation to Taiwan. And last night, I […]

  3. […] previous Johnny Armani […]

  4. […] Then you need to put together a bonus package such as staying properly trimmed, maybe put on some Johnny Armani, and wear decent […]

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