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Hello, month of April. This year seems to really be flying by… which means I must be enjoying life or something. I hope.

Anyway, a few things have been on my mind.

Number of hits. Dating back to the middle of last year, my blog viewers have been growing at a tremendous rate. There’s been a consistent 300 additional views per month since August 2010 and the number keeps getting bigger. In fact, March received 800 more hits than February. Intense. I have deleted two of my previous three blogs due to high levels of traffic (600+ hits a day) so maybe a reboot is due soon? Hope not. Why delete it? Well I’m glad you asked.

I can’t tell you the number of times that I would meet someone for the first time and they would say, “oh you’re the guy who blogged about that one yada yada blah blah…!” Hmm. And it was slightly uncomfortable and awkward when I was living in Manchester, UK for a year, and random English people would approach me asking about my personal life. I’d ask them, how did you know that about me? and they’d simply reply, I read it on your blog mate, cheerio. (“cheerio” inserted to enhance British accent). I guess my blog is just awesome on international levels.

Online searches. I also noticed that I have been getting a large number of online searches directed at my site. How searches like “girl illusion” direct people to my blog is completely beyond me. Don’t get me wrong… it’s nice that people can find my blog online. I feel like I have a fairly interesting blog situation going on, but at the same time it’s a bit unsettling knowing that thousands of people are reading things about my personal life when they were only trying to do an online search for, “what are girls pee places called” And yes, that was an actual search phrase that directed some sad little fellow to my site.

Blogging is the new cool thing to do. I love when people blog…but only if they are good at it. The fact that blogging has now become a new fad is slightly irking me. First off, blogging is an art. It’s not a random barrage of words and mindless thinking (although at times it may seem like that), but its a skill that comes either naturally or after years of practice. Maybe I should give a tutorial in the near future but in the meantime here’s three easy steps to have a good blog:

1. Create a blog account
2. Know what you want to blog about
3. Don’t suck at it

Online searches part deux: Continuing on with the online searches. Let’s explore some of the phrases I’ve received recently that somehow led people to my domain. Maybe I have some answers for them or maybe I want to just show you all the weirdos who thrive on the interweb. And yes, these are real searches:

First you have the interesting searches:

homemade strip club – Yes. I did recently purchase a condo and made of ton of upgrades to it but I can’t say that this was one of them

i saw ed sanders – There’s been quite a few searches for this dude…who the heck is he?

be naked when i get home – Nice

its good to be adventure – Yes, and your English is terrible

how to tell if roommate is messing with my stuff – My solution? Torture because the truth will come out when he is desperate for his own life. Legal solution? Keep an eye on that fool…

Unconfident guy – Funny, because I have talked only about confident guys. And is “unconfident” even a word…?

selling 100000 bars of soap a month

is being sick good for you – You really needed to use google to figure this out?

fat person slip n slide – hahahaha unless he’s looking for one made specifically for fat people…then I shouldn’t be laughing because then that would be a legitimate search…

what is an aardvark look like – Dude your English are the really horrible

شراشف سرير  Yea… I can’t help you there mate

girls sideburns – Oh gosh I really hope not…

the grates man on the internet – I started to chuckle when I saw this until I realized that this is a mistake that my FOB father would make when he sends emails to me

what have i gotten myself into

Work related searches:

can you complain to your boss during your review
what to say during meetings with bosses
boss is constantly giving me meaningless things to do
what to say when boss calls you in for private meeting

how to update your boss – Get a new job

And then…the bizarre search phrases:

shark pee

what happens get ketchup on your eyebrows

doing things in a snuggie

little boy pooping

jot guy taking a s*** in the stall next me – This is disturbing for two reasons. First, I notice the proximity of the “j” key to the “h” key and realized that this person was not searching for “jot guy…” Secondly, you are disgusting.

what’s a fetal position after a boy got hit in the balls – Obviously, a girl was wondering why guys were yelling, “Fetal position! get in the fetal position!” after they saw a fellow brother get smacked in the lower brain.

when do girls fart…is there any sound? – There shouldn’t be, but if there is, it should only be a soft pfffffftttt…gross.

if a male has female tendencies and is developing breasts what should he do?

As you can see, my site attracts the best that the interweb has to offer. Cheers.

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Written by jonewantsm3

April 1, 2011 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

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