Read this stuff. It's good for you.

But seriously, it's good for you.

Racist Blonde Chick

with 5 comments

Yesterday afternoon, the above female UCLA student Alexandra Wallace made the fatal mistake of revealing her racism towards Asians on the interweb via the massively popular and public means of YouTube. Her main gripe about Asians was them being Asian in the library and not American while the entire campus studies for finals this week. In the matter of a couple hours, she became an internet hit/villain and instantly took her video down but not before boatloads large numbers of Asians got a hold of her video and mirrored them from other online sources. Watch here:

The crucifixion began.

I’ve seen her home address posted online. Her real phone number posted online too (with some of my friends calling her). Tons of Asians hating on her in my FaceBusiness updates as well as removing her FaceBusiness profile. She took down her profile on Model Mayhem and so on. Whatever.

After barely watching this video, I already have a few opinions regarding this not so intelligent girl who somehow managed to get into the same school I did. Disgraceful. Here are six mistakes that I can quickly point out regarding her decision to target Asians:

Mistake #1: You attacked Asians
While Al Gore may have invented the internet, Asians own it. When people make fun of us for being computer nerds and geeks and whatever, we secretly take pride in it because we know that sooner or later, you will be jumping onto your computer and asking questions like, “um, how do I save that picture onto my computer so I can use it as my profile picture later.” Your computers are made in Taiwan and when you have issues with them, we trouble shoot them in India (oh yes, Indians are Asians too). To a lot of Asians, the computer is merely an extension of their physical body that they have to boot up and shut down every once in a while. An extra appendage if you will. Regardless, your first mistake was to bring your fight against Asians to the internet where Asians have a massive home court advantage. Foolishness.

Mistake #2: You attacked Asians
The “people group” you targeted makes up approximately two-thirds of the world’s population. But let’s bring this statistic a bit closer to home for a second… at UCLA, Asians make up one-third of the enrollment class which just simply means you cannot hide from us. Good luck not bumping into one of us the next time you walk to class along Bruin Walk. Even though it’s been a few years since my graduation, I still remembering throwing my share of high fives to my Asian buddies who I see walking past me…or wait… is throwing high fives an American mannerism that I am not allowed to participate in? Fine. We will send out a memo to all Asians that high fives will no longer be permitted along Bruin Walk. Instead, Asians must now perform the ever so respectful kowtow (kneeling or bowing) when they walk past another higher ranking Asian.

Mistake #3: You attacked Asians
…for Asian stereotypes while looking like a stereotypical ditsy blonde chick…? I don’t understand that. Actually I do because blondes are supposed to be dumb. And you are a typical blonde. It’s as simple as the equation, “If A is equal to B, and B is equal to C, then you’re a complete idiot” in the language that Asians know best: Reasoning.

Mistake #4: You attacked Asians
“I swear they’re going through their whole families, just checking on everybody from the tsunami thing. I mean I know, okay, that sounds horrible like I feel bad for all the people affected by the tsunami, but if you’re gonna go call your address book like you might as well go outside because if something is wrong you might really freak out if you’re in the library and everybody’s quiet like you seriously should go outside if you’re gonna do that.”

Too soon, homegirl. Too soon. Japan’s earthquake/tsunami isn’t even a week old and you just had to go there! Remember the Japanese people descent from warrior samurai…even other Asians don’t cross the Japanese simply because of that reason. Heck, Japanese people don’t cross other Japanese people because of that reason! You’re face is going to look like Chicken Katsu Curry once they’re done with you. Mmm… Chicken Katus Curry…delicious!

Mistake #5: You attacked Asians

You may think he’s saying, “You Lack Discipline,” in horrible Engrish but he’s really actually saying, “You Rack Disaprine.” What does that mean? I have no idea. But you won’t be laughing when he figures out a way to hack into your FaceBusiness account and change your hometown to Guangdong, China.

Mistake #6: You attacked Asians
And we are good listeners to every. single. word. that. you. say…You pretty much posted the video with the knowledge that it was going to be offensive (which you mentioned in your video in the beginning), so you should be able to handle the tens of thousands of Asians who now hate your guts at UCLA. We have responded and again…home court advantage girl. You can’t escape. If you have no idea what I’m saying, I’ll put it in simple American: You made your bed, now sleep in it.

Now that I have broken down her mistakes, to be fair, I must post a few confessions that I have. I make my appeal and say please don’t hate on me for having these thoughts. I’m Asian so it’s okay. It’s like black people and the N word right? Here they are:

Confession #1: Baffled
I am more confused than anything at the simple fact that she got into UCLA. How did this chick get into the same undergraduate institution that I did?…I feel that I am less of a person that at the end of the day we both can say, “I attended UCLA”…aiyo! (a verbal Asian expression used when they are speechless/frustrated/confused/disappointed/…etc.)

Confession #2: Hilarious
Asians don’t take racism from non-Asians too seriously about 99% of the time and this girl is not special enough to make the 1% exception. The only time Asians take real offense to racism is when it comes from other Asians. I don’t know why but it’s just true for whatever reason! Try it out. The next time you know someone is Korean or Japanese, call them Chinese and be totally serious about it. See what happens. But getting back to the point…the majority of my Asian friends were instantly searching online for things like “Asians in the Library remix” and trying to find other online gems that spawned from this video to appease their online dependencies. We love when people do this because it gives us things to do. So blondie…thanks!

Confession #3: I Am White-kinda
I am what you call a banana. I am one of the whitest Asians you will meet. I’m not talking about skin color white-paleness you see on true pasty Asians where you can see their veins through their skin, I’m talking like white-boy Asian. Am I racist..? But I still find this video very entertaining.

Confession #4: Impressed
Is it bad to say that I thought she did a really good job impersonating a Korean chick on the phone at 1:45? What?! I’m just saying…! Watch it again and tell me the first race that comes to mind…truthfully now…(obviously Korean, c’mon!). Which really means the entire Asian community should be thanking Korean girls and taking them out to dinner today for the awesome remix video that we have today. Just saying…

I am done. This girl has the entire Asian community up in arms… and by up in arms, I mean typing furiously at their keyboards on facebook, blogs and whatever. That’s because Asians are a peaceful loving people… except for those darn samurai Japanese. I end with the remix. Enjoy! (Warning: Do NOT watch the remix video if you don’t want that song stuck in your head!)

Advertisements

Written by jonewantsm3

March 14, 2011 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

5 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. Bravo, well said!

    Mina

    March 14, 2011 at 9:48 am

  2. This is the most hilarious post I’ve ever read!! Well Said!! and the remix is sooo funny! Good job!

    Dina

    March 16, 2011 at 6:48 pm

  3. hehe.. nice. =) have you seen this one?
    watch?v=zulEMWj3sVA

    me

    March 19, 2011 at 11:42 am

  4. […] yellow M&Ms were done with them. Orange and his group of friends had to learn the hard way to never mess with yellow M&Ms…similar to some racist blonde girl a couple weeks […]

  5. Trashy American chicks SEEKING ATTENTION USING OBNOXIOUS BULLYING TACTIC? Not exactly news, hello? Why feed them more attention?

    Asians who’re comfortable with their own body and identity would not even give this lowly smug-without-basis species a passing glance. Big puffy body parts and bleach powder apparently give them the divine right to bully everyone else. Why buy into it?

    As long as Asians, especially the insecure and mentally weak Asian males, find big body parts fascinating, they will continue to feel slighted by this obviously vacuous life form.

    For those of us Asians, males or females, who genuinely enjoy being inside our golden skin, agile, healthy, sexy body, we just ignore such low life forms into oblivion.

    Self Satisfied Asian

    June 8, 2011 at 9:38 pm


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: