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First Car Accident And Drug Test

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Last night, I got into my first car accident.

Some older gentleman rear-ended my company car on my drive home. Fantastic. We were stopped at the end of a freeway at a red light and he was stopped behind me. When the light turned green for our left turn, we started moving. Now, people usually slow down as they make the actual left turn and you would naturally step on the brakes lightly…and that is exactly what happened. The guys in front of me stopped. I stopped. The guy behind me didn’t stop. And that is how a car accident is made.


He slammed into my Toyota Matrix company car and I slammed into the dude in front of me. A few thoughts immediately popped up in my head as it happened. My first thought was, “oh my friggin goodness… my neck is KILLING me…” The next thought was, “I’m so glad this is my company car instead of my truck! Ha ha ha…ooo my neck…

After sitting there in disbelief for about ten seconds, I got out of the car and did the entire information exchange and all that good stuff. The dude that was in front of me didn’t have a license so he took off after giving us his insurance information. The guy behind me had the audacity to question my decision to stop. He asked me, “dude! so what the heck happened man? what were you doing!??”

I gave him a Are-You-Friggin-Kidding-Me look and answered, “well, we stopped and you didn’t.”

After a few minutes, I realized that I wasn’t wearing my hat anymore. I went back to the car and looked at the front seat. Not there. Back seat? Not there. Then I saw it…my hat somehow flew all the way to the back of the Matrix! Incredible! My head must have been thrown back pretty darn hard which explained the neck soreness/pain.

Anyway, fast forward to today after I just got back from the clinic. I had to get checked out and the x-rays came back showing I have minor whiplash and a neck sprain. I should be okay… but the real story of the clinic starts here. Something extremely goofy and awkward happened during my mandatory company policy drug test.

Because I was in a company car, I had to get a drug test just to ensure that I was not under the influence of anything at the time of the crash. First, I had to pee in a cup (how do girls do this by the way?) and then I had to take a Breathalyzer test. Now this was the first time using a real Breathalyzer but I knew how it worked. You put your lips on the tube sticking out of the reader and then you exhale and that’s that. Well, me and the nurse man were sitting across from each other and he said, “okay, you’re going to lean forward and exhale into this machine.” Okay I thought, simple enough.

Male Nurse: Okay, now lean forward. So I did.

Murse: Okay, now exhale slowly. I did not.

My head was one foot away from the stupid exhale tube thing and I was about 92% sure I needed to put my mouth on the mouthpiece of the machine in order for it to work. I tried to clarify the situation.

Me: Um… exhale right now?
Murse: Yeah, exhale right now.

So I think, okay he probably or should know this better than me. I thought you were supposed to blow into the tube but what the heck do I know… I’ve never done this for reals. My head is about one foot away but whatever…so I exhaled and tilted my head towards the machine so it would catch my breath.

Me: Whoooooooooooo… (yes, this is the sound of me exhaling like an idiot)
Murse-man: What are you doing!?!?
Me: Uh…exhaling?
Murse-idiot: You’re supposed to put your lips on the tube and blow…man we got to do this again now…

As he threw away the mouth piece, I mutter an apologetic, “oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t know…”

But I did know! What an dummy this guy…We ended up doing four trials because the first three didn’t work. I shouldn’t have listened to him and just gone with my knowledge to do the test right the first time. Or he should just give better instructions. I can’t tell you how foolish I felt walking out of the room. I just handed this guy my pee sample and then looked like an idiot shortly after while doing the Breathalyzer test.

Oh well, if any of you need to do a Breathalyzer test in the future, at least you know how to do it properly now from reading my blog. I enjoy helping others in my failures.


Written by jonewantsm3

February 9, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Posted in Rant

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