Charger Fans Start Crying
I am a huge fan of the San Diego Chargers, but I must admit that what I fear might happen this year: we will miss the playoffs and continue to be ridiculed by everybody else in the NFL. Why do I say this? Well, let’s take a look back down memory lane. [The following images are not Charger fans but rather a collective group of sporting event crybabies worldwide]
I can’t tell whether she’s crying or if it’s part of her costume…
2006: Marty goes 14-2 and gets fired. While I agree that we never would have got a Superbowl with Marty, he was a solid coach and played hard-nosed football. We dominated on D, LT had record-breaking season, we were one of the most physical teams in the NFL…and we lose to New England in the divisional playoff game. Marty gets fired and we get Norv Turner.
These kids are learning this skill at an early age. The only difference is the kid on the right has no one there to love him.
The Norv Turner Era Begins.
2007: We start 1-4 and finish 11-5 in the regular season. We go 2-1 in the playoffs and lose in the Conference Final.
2008: We start 3-5 and finish 8-8 in the regular season. We go 1-1 in the playoffs and lose in the Divisional Game.
2009: We start 2-3 and finish 13-3 in the regular season. We go 0-1 in the playoffs and lose in the Divisional Game.
2010: We start 2-3?…finish…? Playoffs…?! Playoffs..!?
Do you see a disturbing trend? I predict we finish 9-7 and miss playoffs. Sure we’ll enter December 5-7 and then win the rest because Phillip Rivers is incapable of losing a game around Christmas time. Losses in December are impossible for the Chargers…but it still won’t be enough to make playoffs.
Female sports fans are kind of cute when they cry…
Where am I going with all of this? Well, in preparation for major inevitable heartbreak, I am going to set aside some time this coming Saturday and go to the beach with a box of tissues and cry about it. Maybe I’ll even pack a little sandwich and cookies and make a picnic out of it just for myself. I just don’t want to be like everybody else when the Chargers fail…you know, when everybody in San Diego starts offering their own coaching/GM expertise and complaining and crying in unison. I’m going to get all of that out of my system this coming Saturday and when disappointment comes around for the Chargers this year, I’ll just drive to 7-Eleven and buy myself a slurpee and enjoy a good ol’ brain freeze while other San Diegans worry and lament about it.
This picture intrigues me. Maybe the kid who’s crying took off his shirt because he needed extra cloth. Maybe the kid in the background doesn’t associate himself with crybabies. Maybe this kid is one of the ugliest cry-faces I have ever seen. Maybe the kid in the back is a bully and hurt shirtless boy’s feelings. Maybe they’re not friends anymore. Maybe all of the above. Like I said, this picture intrigues me.
This guy actually brought a handkerchief to a sporting event. Who says rowdiness and belligerence can’t be paired with well-mannered, sophisticated behavior?
I have a simple solution to the Charger woes:
The Chargers should demote Norv Turner to offensive coordinator and hire a pair of dice as the head coach. One die will have “PASS” on 5 of the faces and “RUN” on the last face. The other die will have “GATES” on three of the faces and “FLOYD”, “MATHEWS”, “SPROLES” on the other three faces. We need to do this ASAP and maybe we can salvage our season. Maybe.