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I Have Crazy Dreams

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If you have ever had the privilege of listening to me tell you about a dream that I had, you will know that I have crazy dreams. Here one I recently had:

In my dream, I woke up to the sound of footsteps walking around in my room at about 3am in the middle of the night. I looked around from the bed finding it very odd that I didn’t see anybody, but I heard the steps pacing back and forth at the foot of my bed. Coincidentally, the bedroom window was cracked open and I thought to myself that someone must have broken in. I quickly formulated a plan to jump up and attack whoever broke in and catch them by surprise…so I laid in bed waiting, pretending to be asleep.

I soon heard the steps again but didn’t see anybody. What’s going on? The sounds were coming from the foot of my bed and I could definitely hear something pacing back and forth, but…nobody was there! I jumped out of bed and slowly walked over to the window and where the sounds were coming from.


I was so confused. I knew I heard something. There had to be someone in the room. I looked outside to see if I could spot anything suspicious but saw nothing so I closed the window. I made a quick survey of the hallway and my bathroom and saw nothing out of the ordinary so I went back to laying in bed completely baffled at what the heck was happening. No sooner had I laid down, the footsteps were at it again. This time a bit louder too. It was pacing frantically at the foot of the bed, up and down the hall, and now brave enough to also move along side of my bed! I couldn’t take it anymore. Was it a ghost? Was it my imagination? Perhaps someone wearing the Harry Potter invisi-cloak?!?

I jumped up ready to attack but again there was nothing. No more footsteps. I looked around in my foggy room (yes, foggy. It’s a dream and I remember rationalizing that it was foggy outside so some fog must have got in through the open window) and saw nothing. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw something strange and out of place in the corner of the room.

A rock? A small pile of clothes?

Then it moved. Ever so slightly but just enough to let me know that the something was alive. I walked over to see what it was and then a long trunk rolled out in front of it revealing a longer than average snout. What is this? A deformed pig? A mini-elephant!? I got close to check and confirm that yes…it did indeed look like a pig thing with a long snout. What on earth!? It kind of looked like a sloth too. It was so small that you could fit in the palm of your hand, but it still managed to sound heavy as it pestered me with its annoying footsteps. I decided to leave it there because it seemed harmless and decided to scout the house because that small of a creature obviously could not come through the window. As I walked away, it started following me and I thought, “oh great, it thinks I’m the mama.” It followed me into the living room area where I saw that somehow the back sliding door was open. Great. That’s obviously how it got in. I figured that since it was following me, I could just walk outside and it would follow me out so I could close the door on this ridiculous situation and go back to bed. Instead, it banked right just before walking out and headed toward the corner of the living room. At this point I was finished with playing games and figured to walk over, pick it up and carry it out myself. When I stepped in, I looked and saw another pig/warthog/elephant/sloth creature sitting next to the little one. This one slightly bigger too… the size of a football.

I remember thinking to myself that this must be the mother. What is this a family timeshare vacation in my house? This was simply too ridiculous. It was too much for me. I went over to force it to move out but it was unresponsive. Stubborn beast. So I started pushing it with my hands to the door with no regard or care that it would bite or try to attack me. I needed this thing out! I finally got it about 3 feet from exit when I realized that this creature was an aardvark. Friggin stupid aardvark waking me up in the middle of the night with footsteps and hiding in my house. Bastards. It was at this point I decided that I needed to send this thing out in style. I bucked baby aardvark out the back door with a little donkey behind-the-back-leg-extension action. Then I stood over mama aardvark with my back facing the door. Bending down, I took hold of the intruder with both hands. I tilted my head down to line up the aardvark with the opening…


I long snapped that sucker straight out the back door.

As I stood there bent over, still watching through my legs as the aardvark got smaller in the distance, a deep sense of satisfaction and accomplishment came over me. That’s when I finally woke up. And as most of my dreams go on for a while, I was late for work… Again. =(

Pretty crazy stuff huh? Anybody interpret dreams? Please tell me what the heck is going on in my subconscious mind!

For those of you who don’t know what an aardvark looks like. They look like this:


Written by jonewantsm3

May 20, 2010 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

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