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Never Say This To Your Boss

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During one of my many breaks at work, I went to Yahoo’s site to check on the NCAA tournament going on right now, among the many articles they have such as any celebrity gossip that I don’t really care about or articles on housing markets that still haven’t been affected by the down economy. What a bunch of garbage…and yet I still go there to enrich myself on the current happenings in the world.

Today I stumbled upon an article, “7  Things Never to Say to Your Boss.” I clicked it because just like everybody else, I have those moments where the most intelligent don’t necessarily come out of my mouth. Again, Yahoo cranks out another meaningless and unhelpful article stating the most obvious things. Well to counter that, here is my list of 7 things you should never do while you are at work.

7 Things Never To Do At Work:

7. Come to work extremely sick. I understand if you’re under the pressure of an upcoming deadline and you have a little sniffle but I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the guy walking around the office with a kleenex box or is coughing non-stop which is annoying. The thing with this person is this… at some point during the day come by your desk, sit down, and say, “ugh…I think I’m sick.” Dude, you think so?! Get away from me. Take a sick day and come back tomorrow. Everybody ends up happier.

6. Forget to consider your boss when you get lunch. You don’t want to return on your lunch run with fries in your mouth and a western bacon cheeseburger in your hand and your boss asks you, “oh, you already went to lunch?” What he really means is, “thanks for not asking if I wanted anything you selfish employee.”  What’s worse is if you bump into your boss on your way back and he’s walking out and you ask him where he’s going. For example he might say, “I’m going to grab lunch because you forgot me again…I’m going to start keeping tallies for your performance review coming up.” Dammit. Don’t forget your boss!

5. Fart during a meeting. It stinks, its awkward, its rebellious. Even if its silent everybody will still know it’s you who did it. Just excuse yourself to the bathroom or fake an important phone call. Nobody wins in this situation.

4. Leave the computer screen unattended. That’s actually not entire accurate. What I meant is don’t surf ESPN.com and then walk away from your computer with it full screen for your boss to see if he walks in and you’re not there. Or be checking surf report websites which if he walks in will tell him, oh hey this guy must be concentrating on which beach to go to after work instead of getting this assignment done for me…which is true. Sometimes. A lot of times.  

3. Detail your wild weekend escapades. Let’s make up a coworker say his name is… Ricky Bobby. I want to know Ricky Bobby as a reliable guy/girl who gets things done, can laugh at jokes, is serious about getting his work done, and knows how to handle himself under pressure. I don’t want to know Ricky Bobby as one who constantly complains about their living situation, f-bombs their mother when they call, or how they splurge their money on useless things, or as the conquerer of drunk, sleazy women. Not cool dude.

2. Update your blog at work. Um…no comment.

1. Thank your boss incorrectly. Let me tell you a story. So say about a year ago, there was a guy who needed to commute about an hour (one way) to work everyday in his own car and he was thoroughly not enjoying racking up the mileage in his beautiful Tacoma. One day, the boss asks to have a private meeting with him to give him the good news that he’s going to be receiving a company vehicle for his commute and a company gas card to save him even more money. It was a sign of that they had a lot of faith in the guy and wanted to invest in him as a part of the company’s future. Completely thrilled, the guy couldn’t believe it. As the meeting concludes, he says, “thanks Gary,” as he shakes his boss’ hand with a big smile on his face and turns to walk out the door…

…except the fact that his boss’ name isn’t Gary. It’s Jeff.

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Written by jonewantsm3

March 19, 2010 at 1:00 am

Posted in Rant

One Response

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  1. […] on earth has this guy managed to keep his job after all of the things he’s said and done (and done and […]


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